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Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
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| Time: | 5:04 pm. |
| Mood: |  in love. |
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new journal:
teenageufo
it's friends only, so add me if you want to.
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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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san francisco.
here i come.
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Saturday, February 12th, 2005
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| Time: | 9:43 am. |
| Mood: |  damn it!. | | Music: | 999. |
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6 more days!
plus, i found out that i'm getting a lot of money soon.
but yesterday my hair became pink, and i don't like it so much. or at all. maybe i'll just dye my hair brown or something. i don't want pUnK rAwK hair anymore. bleh.
so anyways, last night i fell asleep way too fucking early, and i didn't even hear the phone ring, even though it was right next to me because i wanted to hear it ring, because i wanted to talk to you but i just needed to take a nap for an hour. damn it.
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Thursday, February 3rd, 2005
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anna and noah dropped me off at home after school. i got locked out, and they decided to stay and hang out with me. when i finally got inside, they came in and helped me paint my closet. we danced to: eddie and the hotrods, the slits, elvis costello, devo, and various other musical artists.
i put amazonian war paint on my face and wore a pineapple shirt and jellies. noah decided to strip down to his skivies, and just as he was doing so, my father busted into my room and saw noah standing akwardly in the freshly painted corner in his boxers. me and anna laughed so hard, and my dad just kind of rolled his eyes, shook his head and left.
then me and noah put tribal dots on anna's back, noah gave himself a mustache, and anna molested noah with a corner brush. then we danced more. one more coat tomorrow, then i'm done.
and god damn, i must comment on the fact that i've turned into a complete fucking hermit. i just never really go anywhere anymore, but i dunno. it's not that bad taking a break from everything. i kinda like staying at home and reading or doing art and listening to my records and stuff. insomnia isn't that bad, i've decided. and i'm obsessed with tea now, and have been drinking it several times a day. i also found, not having much of a social life has really benefited my grades, and i've apparently exceeded my wildest expectations of what my first semester senior grades were going to be. things are fitting together like peices of a puzzle.
blah blah blah blah blah.
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Monday, January 31st, 2005
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it's about fucking time.
i feel so good. the best i've felt in a long time.
aosfhaoweifhoawiehfldxknvczlsdkhaowsiehfaodifhsldkfawejfoasdkfhjaowlfe
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Thursday, January 27th, 2005
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| Time: | 10:15 pm. |
| Music: | the dead boys- what love is. |
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i'm done. no more portfolios/finals!
and last night i had a dream that i went to manhattanville and i was on the train on my way into new york city, and it was really nice. and chuva called me the other day and it made me happy, and she told me about a blizzard that just attacked boston and it made me want to go play in the snow more and go sledding with her. and i got my nails painted by a boy today and it was cute. and i'm getting a B in trig. and also i want to get my license by the end of february. and i think i wanna get a hair cut but i don't know what kind. and also i'm tired and i want a 40 because i haven't had any malt liquor in like, a year. no but seriously, i haven't had a 40 in an awfully long time. mexico this weekend?
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Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
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i don't have school tomorrow, and i only have one more final on thursday and then i'm done with my first semester.
i got my letter from manhattanville, and they're offering me the "president's" scholarship, which is basically them playing 1/3 of my tuition a year. i honestly couldn't say why they would want me there that bad, because it's a scholarship for those who are "passionate about their education" and like, way into grades and school and stuff. but i'm not going to argue. shit.
haha, apparently metallica hired a therapist to help ease tensions in the band. that's so gay and wow, they totally suck. michael bolton tried to get into metal at one point. oh my god, how absolutely retarded.
i keep falling asleep, and when i'm sleeping or when i wake up i think for a moment that i'm somewhere else, and it's always the same place that i think i am and it's really frusterating because i guess i don't want to wake up if it's going to mean not waking up there. i'm never going to have the chance to be there again, but the fact of the matter is i'd rather dream about being there than try and make it go away or push it out of my mind, as much as it may suck when i wake up.
le sigh.
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Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
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| Time: | 10:19 pm. |
| Mood: |  upset. | | Music: | eddie and the hotrods. |
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argh, i want to see limp wrist play with DS13 in minneapolis, but i don't want to have to go to minneapolis or anything, cause i can't and all. so basically, that really sucks. plus it's like DS13's "last show ever", which makes matters a lot worse.
i feel as though i might throw up, and i hate throwing up a lot. and also i miss stuff and people, and that makes me feel sick too. i wish it was summer 2004 or something.
my little sister is going to be one soon. i can't fucking believe it, she's not supposed to be this old yet. i feel like if i go to school far away from her and sara, i'm going to miss everything. shit, i live like 6 hours away and i feel like i'm missing every step of her small baby life already. not being around for her and her groing up would fucking break my heart, and thinking about it makes me really upset, so i'm not going to think about it until it's absolutely necessary for me to do so.
i'm going to read some of an amazing book (i.e. breakfast of champions...thank you giving me the book, ella and anna), and then go to sleep.
ughhhh, i gotta go. time to throw up.
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Friday, January 21st, 2005
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| Time: | 11:17 pm. |
| Mood: |  tired. | | Music: | the slits- typical girls. |
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i got into manhattanville. this means that i'm actually going to college somewhere. halleleujah.
and btw, did anyone else have a really wierd/sucky/confusing day? cause today was wierd/sucky/confusing on so many different levels.
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Thursday, January 13th, 2005
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oh my god, i'm done with my college applications. now i can finally have a life again, and go out of my house, and see people and stuff. this calls for a celebration.
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Monday, January 10th, 2005
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| Time: | 8:23 pm. |
| Mood: |  working. | | Music: | the violators. |
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school is cancelled tomorrow because of the rain. that's the best news i've heard in a while.
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Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
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| Subject: | grr |
| Time: | 1:57 am. |
| Mood: | shitty. | | Music: | hanoi rocks. |
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i have such bad insomnia.
azn.
i'm obsessed with photoshop, as you can see.
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Monday, December 27th, 2004
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| Time: | 4:26 am. |
| Music: | the bags. |
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it's snowing. i went sledding at suicide hill at 11 at night. the sky was purple, and the snow was pristine. except then i ruined it by sledding and smoking cigarettes and making snow angels and throwing snowballs at my cousin.
i'm flying back to LA by myself tomorrow. i have an hour layover in houston. great, texas.
i also burned myself today while making chai tea, and it's a steam burn and it fucking hurts like a mother fucker. stupid steam.
my mom is going out of town soon, and my awesome cousin is staying with me to like, protect me from all of the pervy super jews in my building and drive me to school in the morning and smoke weed with me during dinner, and he's bringing his puppy which is so fucking cool. i can't imagine how different it must be being a woman in an orthodox jewish household. i also can't imagine not having a place to live while it's snowing like this. the wind chill fucking kills, it's hard to be outside for more than 5 minutes. it makes me sad to think about.
i think i'm going to volunteer at a hospital, and be one of those people who holds babies. like, the person who just holds them, because they need human contact and attention to develop. either that or at a no kill shelter somewhere.
i'm also reading a cool book. electric kool aid acid tests. i'm really enjoying it, you should read it.
i also have a big "TO DO" list that i've been compiling. it's worrying me that i haven't really gotten anything done. i'm almost done with my sarah lawrence application, that counts. and i'm trying to make time to read more, which is good. so i guess that's like, 1/2 plus 1/2 = 1. bleh. i'm such a slacker.
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Saturday, December 25th, 2004
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| Time: | 10:01 pm. |
| Mood: | restless. | | Music: | teevee. |
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+ i'm watching the hebrew hammer on comedy central.
- i can't fall asleep, and i kinda wanted to go to sleep before 1.
+ i'll be back in LA on the 27th.
- it's really cold. too cold for me to go outside and chainsmoke.
+ the "grown-ups" drank quite a bit and looked at family slides and giggled, which was cute.
- i miss hanging out with people who are my age who don't listen to dave matthews band. ugh.
+ the forest behind my aunt's house is really pretty, in a creepy, eerily beautiful nightmare before christmas kind of way.
- i'm sick of stupid television, but i have nothing else to do.
+ tomorrow i'm going into boston to explore more.
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Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
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so i'm in boston, and i had an interview/tour at school of the museum of fine arts boston, and the woman that interviewed me looked at my portfolio and told me that based on what she saw, i'd totally get in. YES. i feel a lot better about applying to schools with the feedback she gave me.
anyways, i miss LA a lot. it was 7 degrees last night when i went outside to smoke a cigarette and call jack, and i couldn't even finish it because i thought i was gonna get frostbite or something. christ. L.A., i never thought i'd say this, but i miss you.
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Sunday, December 19th, 2004
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so i had a good birthday. i got a sexalicious new camera, i got my lip pierced, and i got a lot of unexpected phone calls (hey you, thanks for calling, it meant a lot to me. i wasn't expecting to hear from you.) and i had a fun time with ella on our magical love outing in the venice canals.
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Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
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driving to san francisco had never been easier. i just laid in the back of the car, drifting in and out of sleep, listening to the beatles, and eating french fries, chocolate cookies, milk duds, and drinking v8 splash.
my aunt smokes cigarettes with me here, because i feel bad going by myself. i feel guilty when i need a cigarette and i'm playing with my baby sister. but now i have a smoking buddy, which is nice. my aunt, anne, talks to me about how she used to go see wendy o and the plasmatics play, and how she saw run dmc before my cousin was born.
now, scarlett is sleeping, we're eating pea soup, waiting for pizza to come, and doing crossword puzzles. i keep seeing things that remind me of kids back home. jack, i'll call you tonight if i can.
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Monday, November 8th, 2004
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We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves. The martyrs go hand in hand into the arena; they are crucified alone. Embraced, the lovers desperately try to fuse their insulated ecstasies into a single self-transcendence; in vain. By its very nature every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude. Sensations, feelings, insights, fancies—all these are private and, except through symbols and at second hand, incommunicable. We can pool information about experiences, but never the experiences themselves. From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes.
Most island universes are sufficiently like one another to Permit of inferential understanding or even of mutual empathy or "feeling into." Thus, remembering our own bereavements and humiliations, we can condole with others in analogous circumstances, can put ourselves (always, of course, in a slightly Pickwickian sense) in their places. But in certain cases communication between universes is incomplete or even nonexistent. The mind is its own place, and the Places inhabited by the insane and the exceptionally gifted are so different from the places where ordinary men and women live, that there is little or no common ground of memory to serve as a basis for understanding or fellow feeling. Words are uttered, but fail to enlighten. The things and events to which the symbols refer belong to mutually exclusive realms of experience.
To see ourselves as others see us is a most salutary gift. Hardly less important is the capacity to see others as they see themselves. But what if these others belong to a different species and inhabit a radically alien universe? For example, how can the sane get to know what it actually feels like to be mad? Or, short of being born again as a visionary, a medium, or a musical genius, how can we ever visit the worlds which, to Blake, to Swedenborg, to Johann Sebastian Bach, were home? And how can a man at the extreme limits of ectomorphy and cerebrotonia ever put himself in the place of one at the limits of endomorphy and viscerotonia, or, except within certain circumscribed areas, share the feelings of one who stands at the limits of mesomorphy and somatotonia? To the unmitigated behaviorist such questions, I suppose, are meaningless. But for those who theoretically believe what in practice they know to be true—namely, that there is an inside to experience as well as an outside—the problems posed are real problems, all the more grave for being, some completely insoluble, some soluble only in exceptional circumstances and by methods not available to everyone. Thus, it seems virtually certain that I shall never know what it feels like to be Sir John Falstaff or Joe Louis. On the other hand, it had always seemed to me possible that, through hypnosis, for example, or auto-hypnosis, by means of systematic meditation, or else by taking the appropriate drug, I might so change my ordinary mode of consciousness as to be able to know, from the inside, what the visionary, the medium, even the mystic were talking about.
End quote.
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Sunday, October 31st, 2004
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halloween is the best holiday ever. usually, this time of october, i'm piss drunk, puking on myself, or passed out somewhere. but last night i didn't even drink, and i had an excellent time. i like being able to lay around with someone and not have to worry about anything and at the same time enjoy myself (which is what i've been doing most of my free time for past two weeks). it's wierd now, cause i used to have to drink to 'have fun', but now i find myself having fun whenever i hang out with my friends, and i don't have to be intoxicated to enjoy myself. wierd, isn't it?
but tonight, i'm gonna get fucked up and have a fucking awesome time with everyone in venice. it's gonna rule. hopefully a little hard alcohol will make my cold symptoms dissapear. i'm gonna take a bunch of pictures with my nikon, which is exciting, cause i haven't developed any pictures in my darkroom in a while. ahhaosdifhoiewfhaodsiafhwea!!
yay for halloween
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Sunday, October 24th, 2004
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| Time: | 9:41 pm. |
| Mood: | tired. | | Music: | the strangler. |
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my weekend went well.
friday- jack's room. south park. the new gta, which i really wanna get. beat some sort of world record.
saturday- waited for marcos. saw marcos. drank vodka. my mom caught me drinking. i got (sort of) in trouble. drank coors lite (*shudder*). drank guinness on melrose with george and tay and some other fools. smoked some weed with jack. hot-boxed the caddy. drank more with some other fools in the middle of the street. more coor's lite. saw kate and natalie.
sunday- jet rag dollar sale. oki dog. studio wardrobe apartment. watched baseball with my dad.
and now i can't decide what to be for halloween. i'm thinking flower, the little skunk from bambi, only cause my dad suggested it, since he used to call me that when i was little. what the fuck else could i be? i love halloween, and i need a costume that rules. help!
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the_strangler's journal
geeky.